Re: Sexy Shocker Hardcore Horrors Collection
God, you can tell I'm bored tonight because here I am again posting more old basic/not very in depth reviews I found of the Something Weird Hardcore Horror titles (clearly inspired by Henenlotter's blurbs). Hope you enjoy. SWV now do international orders by the way.
SEX PSYCHO (1971/USA)
AKA: The Demon in Miss Jones; Widow Blue
Dir: Walt Davis (uncredited)
Walt Davis’ main claim to exploitation fame is the softcore sickie 'Evil Come Evil Go' (1972), prior to which he churned out this even more sordid, rarely seen gore/porn fest. 'Sex Psycho' fills the screen with blood drenched murders, necrophilia, gay sex and bad actors who flub their lines (but then get on with it admirably), limiting its appeal before the opening credits have even started to roll…not that they ever do, as there are no opening or end credits to this damn thing! Davis himself stars as Jerry, who is seen early on having a homosexual romp with his bi-sexual incestuous brother in law. This happy session is cut short when Jerry’s wife and her lover Nick walk in to the room wielding a meat cleaver, which is promptly slammed into Jerry’s throat (a pretty neat and graphic gore scene). Before putting the corpse into a coffin, the wife and Nick have sex, during which wifey blows her late hubby. She also has sex on top of the coffin with her brother. The sex psycho’s attempt to get rid of the corpse are further hampered when a couple of randy neighbours stop by, one of whom is played by legendary schlong master John Holmes. More hardcore humping ensues, after which it’s time to kill off Nick’s wife (who is also having an affair behind her husbands back). Nick takes his wife to the bedroom where she blows him, and his lover and her brother sneak in with meat cleavers raised. Spotting them, the wife gets such a shock she bites off Nicks cock. Everybody screams, except for the wife who chokes to death on the stump, as Nick bleeds to death. A real freak show that, despite several outrageous moments, still manages to be a fairly dull affair. Lovers of sick, out there, ultra rarities will want it anyway.
MAD LOVE LIFE OF A HOT VAMPIRE, THE (1971/USA)
AKA: Mad Love of a Red Hot Vampire
Dir: Sven Christian (Ray Dennis Steckler)
In a cave, Dracula (Jim Parker) tickles the nipples of his 3 undead vampire brides (one of whom seems to be suffering from a fit of the giggles) and then stands back to watch them get it on with his demented hunchback ("Mm, enjoy yourselves, my fiends!"). As the hunchback merrily whacks off and spazzes out, the brides writhe around, bathed in red light, before being handed a special vile with which to collect the blood of unsuspecting, horny, hairy male studs. Dressed in white robes, the vampire brides pick up various guys who are taken to Motel rooms for some extremely lengthy sex scenes. During these carnal activities, Prof. Van Helsing arrives at the home of a young student called Bill, who informs the Prof. that his sister Camille has recently died and her body has since disappeared from her coffin. Linking this to a recent spate of bloodthirsty crimes, Prof. Van Helsing deduces that Dracula must be loose in Arizona and has to be destroyed, before the threat of vampirism can spread. Back in the motel rooms, mucho bonking and spanking continues, before the vampire brides give their clients a blow job they will "never forget". No cum shots here viewers, as these XXX hair-a-thons climax with the vampire brides revealing a set of plastic fangs and biting down on the screaming men’s bloodied cocks…oh boy, anyone who did manage to raise a woody during the previous half hour of hairy butt thrusting and gynaecological pussy close-ups is sure to be as limp as Graham Norton’s wrist right about now. This done, it’s back to Prof. Van Helsing, Bill and his bulbous hairdo-ed girlfriend who are attacked by a fanged Camille. Threatening to run her through with a stake, Van Helsing learns of the Counts secret hideout and promptly rushes over there, starts a fight with the undead and chases Dracula into the deadly rays of the early morning sun, bringing a close to the hardcore horror antics. Carolyn Brandt co-stars (under the pseudonym Jane Bond) as Elaina, wife of Dracula who pointlessly appears at various times throughout the story to say things like "Dracula decides to make love, not war" and "Dracula is Groovy" and swears revenge on Van Helsing. Yeah, whatever Elaina! According to Frank Henenlotter’s notes on the Something Weird release, actor Jim Parker was a TV-horror host in L.A, and would introduce late night Creature Features under the name 'The Vegas Vampire'.
HORNY VAMPIRE, THE (1971/USA)
Dir: Ray Dennis Steckler (uncredited)
In a crypt lit by flaming torches, a pointy toothed comical vampire (Victor Alexander) reads a sex manual in the hope of getting himself a mortal woman. The vampire follows women about the streets of Las Vegas in broad daylight, creeping behind them on tippy-toes, ducking and diving behind trees and pulling stupid faces. As our Horny Vampire stands around wondering what to do if he gets a girl, another Vampire with pork chop side burns (Spalding Gray) appears and promptly seduces women, whisking them off for a hairy display of undead passion. The Horny Vampire stares from the side lines, pulling more girns as his nemesis thrusts away, screwing one woman on her living room floor; another by her car, and f**king a third woman in a bedroom. Back on the brightly lit streets of Las Vegas, passer-bys tip their hats at the camera as they walk past, oblivious to the fact that they are appearing in a porn film, as the Horny Vampire tweaks a girls titties and whisks her away for some vampire lovin’, only to be scared off by her plastic penis.
Steckler sure has a strange idea of what constitutes as comedy. To me, watching Mr Alexander pulling faces, falling into a car bonnet, getting his cock stuck in a door and speaking in an outrageous accent does not necessarily equal great comedy but you never know, perhaps there are some people out there who have seen 'The Horny Vampire' and consider it the single greatest comedy show they have ever seen…although that seems about as likely as anyone getting a boner during the unflattering porno moments. Watchable fluff about sums this one up, though the XXX version offered by Something Weird Video is missing that wacky plastic prick ending.
SATAN’S LUST (1971/USA)
AKA: Night of the Warlock
On a sacrificial altar, a naked woman screams as she is boned by a woman wearing a strap-on, whilst a couple of caped Devil Worshippers sing satanic songs before dousing the victim with flammable liquid and setting her on fire! Hmm, something tells me this is going to be an interesting porno. Shifting locations, we are next introduced to our main protagonist Pamela Goodright who comes a callin’ on her old College chum Wayne Striker who is so overjoyed by the visit he can’t stop saying Pamela’s name. However, Pamela’s visit isn’t such a merry one, as she is investigating the death of her friend Carla, who was recently found burnt to death in a car smash – but how could this be when Carla was not only colour blind, but she also couldn’t drive? Something is amiss, and Wayne wonders if it could be linked to that film studio he heard Carla worked for in Hollywood called Satanic Films, owned by a fellow named Manheim Jarkoff. Wayne has been a great help, and Pamela agrees to let him be her "daddy" by boning her on the settee in a variety of positions, a scene which may come as a great shock to many viewers who had absolutely no idea that boning their daughters on the settee was what daddies were meant to do. The next morning Wayne prepares for a visit to Satanic Films but Pamela seems more interested in breakfast (which means more slurping on daddy’s sausage). They finally make their way to the film studio and meet Jarkoff, who informs them that Carla was a druggie and they are no longer in contact...but hello, unbeknown to our heroes, Jarkoff, his retarded assistant Boris and the sombre female at Satanic Films are none other than the Devil Worshippers we saw earlier, and they’ve already decided that Pam "knows far too much for the safety of the order" and decide to "test" her, which basically means hypnotising Pam with a cheap looking medallion, so Jarkoff can bone the mesmerised "little birdsong" over his office table. Wayne is paid a visit by the female, who turns out to be a 300 year old witch who can also appear in the form of a black cat. They have sex, much to Satan and the orders chagrin, and the witch is punished by being flogged on the sacrificial altar and basically told not to do it again. But resisting a sizzling screw from Wayne proves too much for the Witch who has actually fallen in love with him, and they are soon romping around naked on the floor again, only this time the witch also uses a candle as a sex aid. Satan’s not chuffed and Wayne gets the shock of his life when he discovers his sex partner has been turned into a skeleton (and yes, the candle is still inserted). As for Pam, she’s being boned on the altar by a rubber faced Satan who spunk’s a whole load of green sh!t over her tits, but before Jarkoff and Boris can burn her alive, the sound of police sirens closing in on the order sets in motion a high speed chase (cue amusingly speeded up footage) which goes badly wrong when Boris fails to control his van and sends it over a cliff. In the final twist, the police inform Wayne that Jarkoff’s body wasn’t found in the wreckage, and Pam drops the bombshell that she is pregnant with the devils spawn!
'Satan’s Lust' is enjoyable in a weird way, and although it certainly isn’t up to the standards of 'The Devil Inside Her' (1976), the satanic themed plot is always an interesting one in the wild world of hairy 70’s porn, and it isn’t every porno that begins with a naked woman being burned alive (albeit, off-screen). The threat of live immolation occurs towards the end also, and although in this instance such a catastrophe is averted, this is made up for by the presence of the rubber faced Satan sporting a pretty nifty mask. Naturally, the scene in which the witch is reduced to a plastic skeleton whilst masturbating with a candle is another highlight. Outside of such set pieces, the film is also interesting for its soundtrack, which includes musical renditions of popular Beatles songs such as 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' and 'Yellow Submarine'. In a nice touch, Jarkoff’s sex scenes are filmed through a blue filter, whereas the Witch’s sex scenes are bathed in red. Available from Something Weird Video, the packaging suggests that the actor playing Manheim Jarkoff is none other than George 'Buck' Flowers, the tubby star of countless exploitation and trash classics such as 'Drive In Massacre' (1976) – personally if it wasn’t for this interesting little factoid on the packaging I would have never noticed it was him, as he looks quite different here than in any of his other roles…although the fact that he parades around in a cape with his cock out may have something to do with this. Overall, 'Satan’s Lust' is a nice attempt at Satan-themed porno horror but could really have done without one or two of the sex scenes (there would still be more than enough to keep punters happy) in order to keep the running time down and the story itself more interesting…although making an interesting movie probably wasn’t the filmmakers No.1 priority.
HORNY DEVILS, THE (1973/USA)
AKA: Hotter Than Hell
Hades: An extremely woolly Satan sits on his throne holding a sword, watching his two sons whip chained maidens, ram them with dildos and insert a banana into another girl’s twat, before lunching on it with some whipped cream. "No matter how many centuries go by, I always enjoy seeing them, er, punished for their sins! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Satan then receives a scroll from above telling him that there appears to be some "good" amongst his latest shipment of souls, and so decides he has no other option but to send his horny sons to Earth in order to corrupt mankind, thereby keeping the souls coming his way. Through the power of jump-cuts, Satan’s sons appear on Earth and promptly bed a randy couple of roommates called Donna and Connie ("Where in hell did you come from?"). The horny devils appear relatively normal during the XXX action, but when they cum they revert back to their satanic form, complete with red cape, black tights and pointy little horns sticking out from their curly locks. Another woman is given a bubbling brew from Hell that causes her clothes to vanish with each sip, before a stoned Go-Go Dancer is shown what "a devils horn looks like". Although these Horny Devils are having fun, pops is less impressed and calls his sons back to the fiery depths: "It’s hotter up there than it is down here!" plead his sons, who bring their various conquests back home to bone, as pops muses: "I’m not sure whose been corrupting who around here!"
An interesting premise for a porn flick, the Hell setting is fairly minimalist but gets the job done with plenty of fire, rocks, chained maidens and red lighting set against black backdrops. The costumes used for the Devil and his sons are cheap, but perfectly in keeping with the comic approach the story takes, complete with comedy sound effects, the occasional witty one liner and some 'Laurel & Hardy'-esque music cues. On the downside, as a porno 'The Horny Devils' isn’t very erotic and there are no cum shots in the print viewed.
GEEK, THE (1971/Canada)
"In the wild untamed regions of the North West part of our continents, strange stories have been unfolding for two hundred years. There is a legend of a Mammoth being, part animal, part human. Its grotesque form has on occasion been seen by some. Others scoff at its existence. Yet all respect it - they call it Sasquatch. We call it, 'The Geek'."
Said to be a sweeping epic "filmed on location in Oregon, Washington and Canada", 'The Geek' follows the adventures of a group of sexually active campers who are in search of the legendary Bigfoot. The campers walk along a track, wander up and over a hill and past a tree to a cheery musical accompaniment. They spot a bear (cue badly fitting stock footage) and continue walking. Riveting stuff so far, I’m sure you’ll agree, and now the group settle down to set up camp. As they search for wood to make a fire, two of the group members nip off to a nearby field where they remind the viewer that they have actually paid to watch a porn flick and not a nature special on the life and habits of American ramblers. "It’s so hard, I just want to touch it! the girl says to her skinny, pasty white boyfriend, who proceeds to shag her in the field (she leaves her black go-go boots on, good girl!). Meanwhile a blonde piece shags the camp leader in one of the tents, and the next day the campers set off again, walking up and over more hills and along more tracks. They eventually discover a footprint and Sasquatch droppings, and deduce that Bigfoot must be nearby. They clamber up a hill and one of the guys in the group begins filming: Bigfoot shows up, revealing himself to be an embarrassed looking bearded guy with boot polish smeared on his face, wearing rags (you can see the cuffs) and grunting miserably. His cock hangs out of a rip in the front of his costumes trousers. The campers send one of their women down to shake hands with the shaggy beast, which turns out to be a real shaggy beast indeed, doing the poor girl from behind (though she appears to enjoy it). The campers scatter but Bigfoot manages to get hold of a second girl, giving her a quick poke too before flopping down on the floor, all shagged out. The campers gang up on Bigfoot and a fight ensues: after much shoving Bigfoot lumbers off and the camp leader, exhausted from being pushed over so many times by Bigfoot says: "Someday I’m gonna’ catch that filthy animal". They all stumble off, exhausted and overacting.
Sorry if I’ve made 'The Geek' sound really bad (which it is), because it’s actually great! This film is hilarious and I can‘t recommend it enough to all you trash fans out there. A cut down, softcore version of 'The Geek' was issued as an extra on Something Weird Video’s DVD release of 'Godmonster of Indian Flats' (1973), but it’s the hardcore version you want to get hold of (though it’s still edited of mucho penetration and climaxes - so no snot shots here, folks!), also released by Something Weird as part of their Frank Henenlotter’s Sexy Shockers Hardcore Horrors series (Volume 4), double billed with the equally wretchedly made, but not nearly as much fun softcore shocker 'Sin in ’69' (1969).
SIN IN ‘69 (1969/USA)
AKA: Sex in ‘69
Dir: Carl Coriell
Incestuous brother and sister, Ginger and Curt, throw wild swinger parties for their randy neighbours. However, a killer in white shoes and matching handbag is also making an appearance at these boring binges, throttling some of the plug ugly guests with a shoelace (and then patting their breasts). There is a randy character called Jim who gets to fondle most of the women’s breasts and say lines like: "Muffy, she’s an old friend of mine, she has a couple of young chicks coming over here and I guess we’re going to pick flowers. She said something about a daisy chain." Elsewhere, a hippy chick sings the ear wrenching song "Who will be next?" on her guitar, and the killer’s identity - when it is eventually revealed during the not very exciting climax - will come as no great surprise to anyone who has managed to stay awake throughout this one’s 50 or so minutes. An extremely goofy softcore sex flick starring a whole bunch of people who should never have been allowed to get undressed in front of a rolling camera, 'Sin in ’69' is pretty boring stuff, though mercifully short and recommended only to those with an extremely high tolerance for bad movies.
DEVIL INSIDE HER, THE (1976/USA)
Dir: Zebedy Colt (Edward Earle Marsh) & Howard North (uncredited)
Here’s a twisted gem from the mind of Zebedy Colt, one of the greatest filmmakers ever to grace the adult movie scene. Produced by Leonard Kirtman (under the pseudonym Leon De Leon), director of the wonderfully inept 'Carnival of Blood' (1970) and the just plain inept 'Curse of the Headless Horseman' (1972), 'The Devil Inside Her' is set in New England, 1826 and stars Colt himself as a puritanical farmer who beats his daughter Faith (Terri Hall) with a stick after catching her pecking blonde farm hand Joseph on the cheek. Faith plans to elope with Joseph, but her sister, Hope (Jody Maxwell) also lusts after him and prays upon "God or the devil himself" to help her catch her man, and - ping! - a naked Rod Dumont appears as the devil, sporting dark eye shadow, a dog collar and a fetching goatee, pulling his plonker and stretching his nads all over the place (Dumont had the dubious skill of being able to stretch his balls to obscene lengths). Hope visit’s a witch in the woods who concocts a special love potion, and before you know it she’s getting randy in a field shoving a variety of vegetables in her snatch. Meanwhile, the devil turns himself into Joseph and gets more than a peck on the cheek from a none too pleased Terri Hall. The film progresses with the devil taking various forms (male and female, through the quaint special effect technique of a blast of smoke and cheesy jump cut) and seducing each and every family member. The best moment is when Colt discovers himself snacking on daughter Hope’s beaver, before being attacked by the devil who has turned himself into a dog (Colt can clearly be seen laughing during this tussle). All the mayhem (including some brief fisting and buggery with a strap-on) eventually leads to a Witches Sabbath, where Faith is porked by three guys at once and Annie Sprinkles makes a guest appearance as some poor tart being p!ssed on and slapped about by a trio of demons (this scene was so rough Sprinkles quit the adult film biz for a couple of years). It’s now a race against time as Colt and Joseph make their way to the Sabbath, in order to defeat the devil and save the souls of Faith and Hope. Will they do it? Well, check the film out and find out. You won’t be sorry, 'The Devil Inside Her' is a classic golden age porno worthy of any trash film fans cult movie collection.
COUNT EROTICA - VAMPIRE (1975/USA)
Dir: Antonie Feritoni
Count Vladimir Erotica (Antona Moroll), his wife Angelique and their demented, toy rabbit humping servant move from Transylvania to the US, where Angelique goes house hunting and promptly seduces the plain female estate agent showing her around a property (they make out to a medley of classic tunes). After much carpet munching, Angelique reveals a set of plastic vampire gnashers and bites the girl on the breast. Insatiable Angelique then opens her husband’s coffin and demands sex, but Erotica’s too interested in "Who’s for dinner?" and tells her to go screw the servant. She does, but not before whipping him in slow motion, with plenty of mugging and girning on the servants part. Once the servant has shot his load over Angelique, a young couple arrive at the Vampire’s house. Count Erotica lets them in and gives the camera a knowing look as a wolf howls…which is all that exists from the surviving reels of this vampire porno comedy. Erotica’s opening credits are carved on gravestones.
POSSESSION, THE (1974/USA)
Eerie eroticism is the order of the day with this nutzoid adult ghost-a-rama, which is strangely coy when it comes to showing any XXX action, even though the makers know full well they’re making a porno! Adam and Rose are the hairy, erm, horny couple who move into a cheap as chips mansion only to discover it is haunted by a pair of black spirits who need to possess mortal bodies in order to carry out their carnal desires. Rose (Helen Madigan - who has cracking knockers) is the first to get a cold chill whilst masturbating in the back garden, and she is taken in several positions by a rapist who isn’t there (footage from a sex scene that takes place later in the movie is badly inserted here). Meanwhile Adam, who is some kind of a high faluting movie producer, seduces his new secretary Joanne by constantly refreshing her glass with Champaign before slobbering on her tits and checking out her "pussy cat". She even blows him whilst he is on the phone to his terrified wife, before her pal walks in on them and joins the fun. The sexual assaults on Rose continue, but Adam is at first reluctant to believe his wife – that is until the films most hilarious moment, when he too is possessed by a randy spirit called Johnathan (check out that naked bed freak out – give the man an Oscar). Wacky no-budget nonsense with a running time that clocks in at just under an hour, 'The Possession' still manages to drag in places thanks to the filmmakers remarkable inability to edit the various chinny wag scenes, and the confusing ghostly romp between the two couples that take up the final 20m similarly outstays its welcome. Still, for something so cheap and dumb, 'The Possession' has its moments and how can you not recommend a film featuring bad actors who thrash about in bed pretending to have sex with someone who isn’t there, as the soundtrack goes mad with tolling bells, whistling winds, wolf howls and other chilling noises…Ooer, it’s enough to put goose bumps on your boner!
SCHOOL FOR DEAD GIRLS (1972/USA)
Incompetent porno set in Ms. Wellington’s reform school for "bad girls" such as 17 year old Suzanne, who is sent there by her parents to learn some "respect". As well as the small selection of fairly unattractive girls, the school is also inhabited by Peter, Mrs. Wellington’s hairy son who is repaid for the various odd jobs he does around the place with wet blow jobs from Mother. Not even the affections of an overly loving Ma can prevent Peter from ramming his dick into the reformers, resulting in a number of spunky sex scenes that usually end with the girls getting stabbed or suffocated by the twisted sex maniac. As for Suzanne: she’s spanked by Mrs. Wellington, who then rubs the girls snatch and chews on her muff, before Peter helps her to escape. Mummy then screams at something under the bed sheets, a knife is seen in shadow and the film comes to a sudden end. As with many other hardcore rarities, much footage appears to be missing/lost, making some sequences incomprehensible, but what remains is enough to tell you that 'School for Dead Girls' really isn’t any good.
Dir: Michel J. Rogers
Jane Tsentas (of 'Terror at Orgy Castle', 1971 and 'The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide', 1972) stars as Cassandra, a dark haired witch who we are first introduced to dressed in only a black cape, gloves and Go-Go boots, as she dances on a coffee table thrusting her fanny at the camera. This done, she heads for the surrounding hillside where she finds Jay (Gerard Broulard) reading a book about witchcraft. At first Jay is shocked by the sight of a scantily clad witch advancing towards him, but a quick rub of the eyes later and Cassandra the witch is now just a rather plain looking blonde with four eyes. Realising they both have a mutual interest in the Occult, Jay tells Cassandra "You’re really my kind of girl!" and agrees to go back to her house, where she introduces him to her cat Lucifer and gives him what appears to be on first glance a glass of bubbling potion and a couple of big black pills. Just to add to Jay’s confusion, the cat Lucifer keeps transforming into a smiling bearded man (Charles Smith), and Cassandra reverts back to her seductive witch form. Standing on the coffee table, Cassandra starts meowing at Jay, which seems to hypnotise him into taking off his clothes and they have sex in a variety of positions (Tsenta’s looking really good here). Still hypnotised, Jay rings his girlfriend Maria (Ruthann Lott) who is masturbating in the bathtub. She agrees to pick up Jay, but is told by Cassandra she can’t leave until she has had a cup of tea. Ut-oh, now Maria’s zonked out and when she comes to she finds herself being mauled by a naked Jay and Lucifer the cat (in his human form), as Cassandra flaps her cape in the background. Lucifer continues to bone Maria as Cassandra bonks Jay again, which climaxes with Cassandra screaming hysterically. Is this a good sign or a bad sign for Jay? Well we’re about to find out because – poof! – Jay is now tied to Maria’s ankles in some kind of satanic symbol on the floor and having his cock sucked by the witch while Lucifer continues to poke Maria. Having slobbered on his knob, Cassandra rises up and cackles "My sacrilege is complete!" bringing the sexual shenanigans to a close. Eh? Weird stuff for sure, but golly what fun was had by all. 'Sacrilege' is available in both black and white and colour prints. The director’s pseudonym is generally regarded to be that of cult B-movie director Ray Dennis Steckler who, in a personal correspondence regarding the film, stated: "I did not work on the film mentioned. Titles have been changed over the years but to my mind I do not know this film and have not seen it. So much information on the web is not correct on me."
SEXUAL SATANIC AWARENESS (1972/USA)
AKA: Sexual Awareness
Dir: Otto (Ray Dennis Steckler)
Aaron (Tyler Horne) swears a new member into his satanic "order and cult" as she lies naked on a makeshift altar, before leaving her to the randy mercies of Jerome, his nerdy second in command. Jerome immediately starts rubbing the girls snatch, telling her: "Yes, yes, you are a true member of our cult" to which she responds: "This is a joke!" No love, it’s no joke, and Jerome promptly f**ks her until she’s "received the seeds". This done, Jerome ploughs her some more, sewing a few more seeds over her stomach when he’s done. In a nearby field, Aaron meets Dorothy, another recent inductee, where he tells her: "You will obey only the will of the master…obey…" Naturally she does, exclaiming: "Do with me what you will!" before slurping on his "great almighty cock of the Universe". In order to entice new members into their hippy cult, Aaron sends Jerome to the local park handing out 'Sexual Awareness' cards, which are answered by a black woman who soon finds herself on the end of Aaron’s almighty dong. Aaron is then paid a visit by a snooping cop, following up on the disappearance of the aforementioned Dorothy, who he finds on the altar in some kind of hypnotic daze. Before he can ring for back up, Aaron pops a hand on the coppers head, says "Obey…obey…" and sends the sap into a trance, leading to yet another spermy encounter that ends with Aaron pulling up his robe to reveal his erect dick, which promptly squirts at the camera, thereby bringing the curtains down on all these hairy hardcore shenanigans. Manky nonsense, 'Sexual Satanic Awareness' reminded me of the similar antics witnessed in 'The Rites of Uranus' (1977), a film also featuring wacky, ultra-skanky cultees initiating fresh meat into their bonkers group (although the 'Uranus-ites' preferred to hand out flyers on the streets, as opposed to cheap cards in the park). Some sources suggest that the man hiding behind the 'Otto' moniker on this one is none other than 'The Incredibly Strange’' Ray Dennis Steckler.
COME WITH ME MY LOVE (1976/USA)
AKA: The Haunted Pussy
Dir: Luigi Manicottale (Doris Wishman)
Fancy some ghost porn? 'Come With Me My Love' is also known under the much better title 'The Haunted Pussy' and begins with a sepia tinted scene set in Kenmare City, 1925, where a jealous moustachioed guy called Randall returns to his apartment only to find his wife and extremely hairy best friend making love. Randall doesn’t take this very well and shoots them both dead, before turning the gun on himself. Flash forward to a more colourful Kenmare City, 1976, when young Abbey (Ursula Austin), who is a dead ringer for the ex-wife, moves into the apartment. Shortly after her arrival Abbey is spooked by the sounds of heavy breathing when - dink! - a bottle of sleeping pills suddenly appears before her very eyes on a side table via the magic of a celluloid jump cut. Unperturbed by this unexpected manifestation, Abbey proceeds to do just what anyone else would do in such a situation and immediately downs a couple of tablets and drifts off into a deep sleep. This gives Randall the perfect opportunity to manifest himself and give her a supernatural boning from beyond the grave. Sadly, time hasn’t mellowed Randall in the slightest, and he is still as jealous as ever, and spends the rest of the film murdering any lover (male or female) Abbey brings back to her apartment in a jealous rage. First up, another very hairy man is fried when the ghost throws a radio into his bath; then a big fat bearded bloke is hilariously shoved out of the apartment window to a bone crushing death. Upset by this, Abbey immediately seeks the company of her neighbour Tess (Annie Sprinkle). With the body still lying squished at the bottom of her apartment, the two women forgo calling the police in favour of a lesbian romp, to help take their minds off what has just happened. This lesbian tryst ends with predictably disastrous results for Tess, who is stabbed between the breasts by a floating knife whilst laying the dinner table. When not being haunted by a ghost, Abbey’s attempts at solitude in the park are ruined by an annoying kid throwing snowballs. Quite what this scene has to do with anything is anyone’s guess, but its here and good for a chuckle.
Despite that Italian sounding pseudonym, 'Come With Me My Love' is thought to be a Doris Wishman film through and through and anyone familiar with Doris’ movies would be hard pressed to argue. It has the same weird dubbing, pointless close-ups and Doris style bursts of violence that give the game away, despite her claims never to have directed a hardcore feature. It also stars Vanessa Del Rio, who had appeared in Doris’ 'Let Me Die A Woman' (1978), as one of Abbey’s friends who is constantly shagging R. Bolla (aka: Robert Kerman) during scenes that have nothing to do with the actual story. Although some of the sex scenes suffer from the presence of extremely hairy fella’s, the spooky moments are surprisingly successful, with the ghost materialising in negative while eerie music, wind and ghostly voices/breathing is heard on the soundtrack. There are even some of those always fun to see shots of a woman pretending to make love to an invisible lover. There can be no doubt that 'Come With Me My Love' is completely illogical and dumb, but that’s all part of the fun and according to the VCX packaging "one of the networks liked it so much, they wanted to edit the major sex scenes and premiere it as a major attraction!"
LUCIFER’S, THE (1971/USA)
AKA: Satan’s Sex Slaves
Porno tosh in which a cloaked devil wearing face paint wanders around a Medieval Fair offering stoner’s sexual fulfilment in return for their "eternal soul". One woman is porked by a well oiled blacksmith; an impotent guy is cured by a couple of skanks on a waterbed; and a couple of bored housewives looking for something "new and different" are sent a basin haired bloke called John (who boffs the second one on a sofa). The devil appears and disappears via cheesy jump cuts. Chaff.
SEX SÉANCE (1976/USA)
AKA: House of De Sade
Dir: Joe Davian
Vanessa Del Rio (looking very hot here) is invited to a "haunted house" for a séance. Her boyfriend Brett celebrates by letting her blow him, attaching her to a leash and giving her an anal poke. He’s even thoughtful enough to shove a cucumber up her crack, sculpt it into a phallic shape, slice pieces off and feed it to her as she squeezes out the veg! Classic. Del Rio invites a group of friends with her to the séance and upon arrival at the haunted house they are shown to their rooms by a freaky servant holding a lantern. Whilst undressing, Del Rio is spooked by a portrait with moving eyes, and squirted with semen by a masturbating ghost hiding in her cupboard. She decides she would be safer with her friends (cue a threesome). Eventually everyone gathers for the séance, which is conducted in the nude, and Bret is possessed by the spirit of the Marquis De Sade. He whisks Del Rio off to the basement where she is tied up on a make shift altar and tortured with nipple clamps, as the servant whips her ass. The friends walk into the room and have an orgy, during which the servant is revealed to be a vampire (!?). Quite a fun little porno horror offering from the director of 'The Night of Submission' (1976), 'Sex Séance' heralds from the infamous Avon studio who specialised in hardcore roughies during the 1970’s (Avon were responsible for S&M porn such as the extreme, but crappy, 'Dominatrix Without Mercy', 1976).
HARD GORE (1974/USA)
AKA: Horror Whore; Sado-Asylum
Dir: Michel Hugo (uncredited)
Maria (Dianne Galke) is admitted into Fox Hollows Sanatorium to cure her nymphomania with masochistic tendencies. Once checked in she promptly showers with a lesbian nurse, who shows up that night with a slashed throat. Maria imagines she is involved in a gang bang, sucking off a couple of studs with white tights over their heads, which climaxes with an unseen assailant slicing off one guys schlong mid-slurp, spattering Maria’s face with blood. Another nurse has her flange fried by a heated dildo ("Quick! Call my mother!") and it’s eventually revealed that the Sanatorium is a cover for a devil worshipping sect who partake in sex and death orgies, presided over by a devil masked madman. One girl is beheaded by guillotine whilst being taken from behind and Maria finds herself tied up in a room full of dead, blood spattered nurses where she is squirted with jism by little flying dildo rocket-ships (!). It all ends with another hairy, sweaty mass orgy in which Maria has been ear marked for the next "supreme sacrifice", during which she breaks loose and goes on a rampage with a huge axe before being beaten to death with a skull. The final shot is of a dead Maria, battered and bloody with a lit candle sticking out from between her legs. Also starring porn regular John Seeman as Maria’s doctor, 'Hard Gore' has the distinction of being one of the goriest porn flicks of all time. As with most of these things, it’s not in the slightest bit erotic, but it is entertaining and boasts some pretty nifty gore effects. There is also some really good music here too and the devil guy, decked out in red robes and a funny mask, is pretty cool, lording over the sexual shenanigans mumbling incomprehensible nothings or shouting "Nirvana!" in sexual ecstasy, before spraying a Cultees face with a huge burst of jism. All in all, this is really good stuff and there’s even a terrific boom-mic shot to look out for.
DARK DREAMS (1971/USA)
Dir: Roger Guermantes
Whilst driving to a Hotel, newlyweds Jack (Tim Long) and Jill (Tina Russell) get a flat tire on a deserted stretch of country road, a situation that does nothing for horny Jack’s short temper after his frigid, virginal bride refuses to pop her cherry for him in the car. Seeking a phone, they make an ill-advised stop at the home of a seemingly kindly old woman who offers them a nice cup of tea but, ut-oh, this old dear doesn’t use a traditional kettle to boil her water, instead scooping some concoction from a bubbling cauldron to serve the un-happy couple. Yep, as if the pre-credit sequence hadn’t already given the game away, Jack and Jill have accidentally stumbled upon a witch’s "house of pleasure", and one sip of her noxious brew promptly casts a spell over the pair, resulting in a whole manner of "lewd and fantastic rites!" The old hag turns into a young blonde right before Jack’s eyes, and he is taken to a bedroom to relieve some of that sexual tension he’s been feeling since marrying Jill, whose zonked out body has been taken to another room by a robed Satanist with a fetish for tit rubbing, before a horny dog is set loose between her legs (not graphically). When Jill finally comes to, she is taken for a shower with a blonde guy, but this rub down is rudely interrupted by a topless bald man with a devilish goatee, who drags her into another room and the clutches of an insatiable lesbian. At this point the action is interrupted by the wiggly antics of a random belly dancer, who has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie, but oops, hello, now we’re back in the front room where that old dear offers Jack some more tea and "a thousand women every night" if he will just let her have his sweet lil’ Jill. At first Jack’s not too sure, but his mind is soon made up for him after a playful bedroom romp with Laura Cannon and a bowl of whipped cream. Jack next knobs a black chick, before Jill is held down by the coven for a post-marital poke from her hubby who has well and truly joined the dark side. Or was it all just a crazy, dark dream? Yikes! Trippy satanic porn with plenty of weirdo sound effects, but nary a snot shot to be found amidst the hardcore humping. Still, fans of this kind of celluloid smut should get a minor buzz from it. Actor 'Tim Long' is the pre-moustache, pre-'Deep Throat' (1972) pseudonym of Harry Reems, whose whipped cream romp with the uncredited Laura Cannon is far removed from the painful rape scene they performed in 'Forced Entry' (1971). Cannon is an ultra cute, pixie faced minx whose presence in XXX films, no matter how minor, always overshadow her fellow leading ladies, and this is no exception, though Russell sure looks hot in the shower.
"I love the smell of my palms in the morning" - Apocalypse Now.